CHARLESTON — Representative Carol Miller’s office referred to the act of taxing coal companies responsible for slowly murdering their former employees as a “radical socialist agenda”. So the representative decided to think outside the box, and is asking if you would please boost this tweet on your viral post.
The tweet in question contained a link to the Black Lung Disability Trust Fund GoFundMe page, and it had already raised nearly $750 of the requested $288 million. Pleased with her innovation and technological savvy, Capito told Ramp Reporters, “See? Not bad, huh? All you’ve gotta do is put a little hard work in, and you definitely don’t need to tax responsible coal companies at the source to pay for their crimes against humanity.”
Black Lung-haver, your uncle, said, “I depend on my disability check to pay my bills. I gave my life to the coal mines. I voted for the representatives who told me that coal kept the lights on, and they would fight to take care of miners, new and old. But it has become abundantly clear that the cuts they’re willing to make benefit the billionaires at the top.” Holy shit, your uncle is actually pretty woke.
Carol Miller, mom of that annoying car dealership guy who is going to run for governor and tried to rig a city council election via text message, stands firm behind her decision to cut any and all benefits that may or may not be misconstrued or even just construed as socialist or socialist-adjacent. “My assistant setup the GoFundMe page in like ten minutes. It was easy as shit. So go to the website and let’s crowdsource our coal veterans into a brighter future!”
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