CHARLESTON — Protesting and striking didn’t quite yield the results desired for this young lady. Poor pay and benefits for doing the most courageous job of molding the young minds of the future leaders of the world. Time for plan B. She’s going straight to the man who can make it all happen… That’s right–Santa Claus.
Mrs. Clay sat down with Saint Nicholas to hash it all out, saying, “These mother fuck—um, sorry, Santa. It’s just that I work so hard, spend my own money on classroom supplies… I give these kids my life.” The exhausted and overworked teacher continued to explain to The Big Man, “All I want for Christmas is a raise that isn’t entirely negated after adjusting for inflation and the increased costs of my healthcare plan.”
"Ho-Ho-Ho!" Santa laughed heartily. "Well, there, Mrs. Clay, isn’t that adorable, Ho-Ho! Don’t you have a cushy schedule and summers off?" Kringle said, discounting the hours she puts into grading papers, lesson planning, researching new teaching methods, and the fact that she has to get a job during the summer in order to save enough money to pay her mortgage throughout the school year.
“Let me ask you this, Mrs. Clay… Have you been a nice girl this year? Or have you been very, very naughty?” Father Christmas’ tone shifted dramatically, creeping the third grade teacher out. “I think I’m going to go,” Mrs. Clay said as she left the bargaining table.
Sources close to the matter indicate that there is no way in hell that this teacher or any other teacher in West Virginia is going to get a raise this Christmas. When we asked Claus for comment, he went on a long, ho-ho-ho-infused rant about the supply chain and “Biden’s gas prices”.
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