WCHS's Kennie Bass Behind The Wheel of Live Hit and Run Against WSAZ Reporter

DUNBAR -- Famed and beloved WCHS veteran Kennie Bass is the alleged driver of the vehicle that clipped a WSAZ reporter last night. Authorities say Bass was not under the influence but instead “had some Molly Hatchet up too loud and was using his keys dangling from the ignition for some scratchers.”

WSAZ’s Tori Yorgey spoke to Ramp reporters and said she is in good shape and good spirits after the incident. Also, like how cool is it that we interviewed her, another reporter? It was so fuckin meta dude like…that’s what we wanna do more of and she said we should. We got like 3 beers together it was awesome. MAN, you should have seen how she ate a wing in one whole bite it was CRAZY!

Bass is not being charged but has agreed to share the $15 he won with the scratcher. “I wish no ill will on WSAZ or their reporters,” Bass said. “I’m so sorry I hit Amanda.”

“Dude, as an MMJ, I am expected to be a reporter, photog, bodyguard, and crossing guard,” said Yorgey. “It’s no big deal. Even if it was bad I have great health insurance. Just don’t fuck with my eyes, we don’t have great vision,” Yorgey said setting her beer down on a small child’s head beside her.

Bass also claims that this is all the beginning of a prophesy that will put WCHS above WSAZ. “You see, WSAZ stands for ‘We. Serve. Almighty. Zuul.’ Our people are being led astray by Tim Irr and his gang of devil worshippers. I mean he’s from PITTSBURGH!!”

Bass went on rambling about how Spencer Atkins is a Demi-god and that he and Tony Cavalier will battle in Ragnarok and WCHS will prevail with Rick Lord as Lord of the land.

We left after he started shouting that “WSAZ CHILI FEST CHILI IS PEOPLE!”