CHARLESTON — Shelley Moore Capito, who has received more money in donations from the NRA than you’ve made since entering the workforce, didn’t even bother sending condolences via Twitter to the families of the children who lost their lives in the Uvalde Elementary School shooting this week. Capito was allegedly tied up at the bank where her pupils had transformed into dollar signs.
Capito broke her silence about the tragic event, saying, “CHA-CHING!” While overseeing a large transfer into her bank account. Ramp reporters reached out to Moore who said, “You know what this means, right? Ammo shortages, gun sales, supply and demand!” She was salivating and her eyes were darting every whichaway.
Capito agreed with World Emperor Joe Manchin that she would support “common sense gun legislation” which is a vague and undefinable way to avoid taking accountability for the next mass shooting that will occur in the next 3-5 business days while simultaneously catering to a large portion of West Virginians who worship The Constitution but haven’t actually read it.
At press time, Capito was struggling to carry several large sacks of money with dollar signs on them. She told reporters, “Something *must* be done. If we think and pray hard enough, that should do the trick.”
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