CHARLESTON — In what was considered one of the most shamefully embarrassing scenes witnessed within the Capitol walls, Senator Joe Manchin shat himself in front of literally everybody for, like, the third time in just a few short months. Everyone was laughing at him, and we’re pretty sure he cried like a little baby-back bitch.
Ramp reporters spoke with Representative Alex “Money” Mooney, who is being investigated for the misappropriation of campaign funds for fast food, who said “Joe’s pretty baller, dude. Straight-up votes red all the fuckin’ time, which is dope. But broooo, this dude just keeps shitting himself.”
This incident (Joe Manchin shitting himself and everyone pointing and laughing) raises questions about his health. Questions like, “Is he going to die?” and “When is he going to die?” and “Why would a just and loving God allow such a heinously wicked man to draw another breath, let alone wield so much power?”
Senator Manchin will soon go to the butt doctor to get his doo doo checked. His stinky, poopy ass will need to be thoroughly examined so that he doesn’t continue to soil his britches on such a consistent basis. Shitting yourself in public once is embarrassing enough, but shitting yourself in public twice? Three times? And within such a short timeframe? And with it being so smelly?
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