CHARLESTON — “Honestly, we never really knew what LGBTQ stood for. With what we’re doing now, I guess you could say country music has also chosen to go gay!” said WQBE spokesperson, Dean Chittle.
For pride month, the country music station will change it’s call letters to “LGBTWQBE”. The country station has been known to play hits like Brad Paisley’s Whiskey Lullaby, Alan Jackson’s Chattahoochee and Toby Keith’s anti-gay anthem I’d Put a Boot in Your Ass but You’d Probably Like It.
“We want to become more accepting. We required all our employees to watch Brokeback Mountain as sensitivity training.”
Chittle said he’s excited about the new billboard showing off the iconic WQBE rabbit, donning pride themed overalls and double-fisting two large carrots beside his face.
Critics in the LGBTQ+ community have said Chittle may be overzealous and missing the point entirely.
“It’s a bit on the nose and sends a strange message. He keeps saying it’s ranch on the end of the carrots the rabbit is holding. Why would a rabbit ever use condiments on carrots? They love carrots plain. It’s abnormal. We want everyone in the community to express themselves but… this doesn’t feel right.” Said LGBTQ+ advocate, Monique Williams.
Williams asked Chittle during a press conference if any LGBTWQBE employees were LGBTQ+. “Some of our employees have thought about choosing to become gay so we’re working on it.” Chittle said in response.
While we spoke with Chittle we informed him about what the word “lesbian” meant. “Am I a lesbian? I thought only men did it. But women... oh hell yeah.” Said Chittle shortly after his revelation.
Our interview was cut short after Chittle left to go into what he called his “Computer Room”.
“This is actually worse than virtue signaling,” said Williams. “It’s already difficult to live in this area if your way of life doesn’t line up with what most people here agree with.”
The billboard featuring the LGBTWQBE mascot in a suggestive way has already caused multiple collisions on I-64.
“Made me spill my Chick-Fil-A on my lap. I like that gay fella on The Big Bang Theory but this is too much.” said Bailey Bruggins after crashing her Sonata into the back of a UPS truck near the billboard.
Chittle said he doesn’t plan to take the sign down and is in talks with 96.1 The Wolf to collaborate on a billboard showing their support for “furries”. When asked if the station would consider returning Lil Nas X’s 2019 hit, Old Town Road to the air, Chittle responded, “woah, woah, woah… one cause at a time.”
“This is becoming too much” Williams said, holding her head and a cigarette.
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