Tyler Childers and The Food Stamps released two versions of a new single, “Angel Band”, today. Can I Take My Hounds to Heaven? will be released on September 30th. The single’s reception has been mixed-- with critics praising the track and Queen Elizabeth II literally dying.
The Queen of England has been apprehensive about Childers’ next release since his 2020 album, Long Violent History, of which The Queen referred to as “preposterously driveling mountain music”.
Ramp reporters spoke to a representative of The Queen who said, “She was a big fan during his singer/songwriter days, she grew to enjoy his modern take on classic country, but she thought he fell off hard with that fiddle shit.”
Queen Elizabeth was frantic to grab her AirPods when she heard about the single. She sat and listened intently, but about halfway through the song she called over the help, and demanded that the AirPods be thrown in the garbage. “Gospel? Really?” The Queen began furiously ripping down her Tyler Childers posters and memorabilia. “What do I look like? A Southern Baptist redneckian?”
At age 96, The Queen was pronounced dead, surrounded by her family. Soon-to-be King, Prince Charles allegedly had words for Childers and company, “The bluud iz awn yow hahnds innit?!”
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