Plans to open new Dollar General in Michael Brumage’s Asshole

WASHINGTON D.C. — After a regular checkup with his proctologist, it was confirmed that Michael Brumage has a nasty case of irreversible booty rot. And since there’s nothing really interesting for us to report, this article is about the new Dollar General that will be opening up in the Deputy Chief Consultant’s b-hole.

That’s it, I think. Well, we could say, “More like Michael BUMage!” And that’s about really all we have to say. I guess they’ll be hiring soon?