COAL CITY — Paula Jean Swearengin is rebranding as simply “Paula Jean” after some of her down-home, poor people recipes took off on social media last week. “Appalachian Fares for The Poorest of Poor” is on shelves now, and is being marketed as a cookbook that you can eat when you’re finished with it.
Paula Jean went balls deep into a bottle of wine after she took her Ambien this week. She started vibing pretty hard and decided to interact with supporters and jot down indecipherable ideas that she would spend hours decrypting the following day.
“It took me hours to figure out what the hell I was thinking, but I began to piece it together when I went through my social media that morning,” Paula Jean told Ramp reporters. “I was on one… Legit blasted. Didn’t remember a thing until I found a scrap of toilet paper with ‘bookcookbook book’ written on it.”
The former West Virginia Senate candidate began to compile a list of cheap and easy recipes that basically any ol’ financially impaired person could whip up.
Some of the recipes include:
Dirt Ketchup Cake, Whatever’s in That Cool Whip Tub, Pinto Beanloaf, Leftover High School Prom Chicken, Uncle Ron’s Amputated Leg, Uncooked Ramen Noodles, What the Hell can You Even Make with This Can of Baby Corn from the Blessing Box, Water on the Rock (Not ice, literal rocks), Church Homecoming Scraps, and Pepperoni Roll Crumb-Covered Mud Pie.
You can pick up the cookbook at an out in the middle of bumfuck nowhere near you.
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