MILTON — “Oh, lovely! Dinner rolls!” exclaimed a guest at an event catered by Leah Gore, owner of Jack the Bakery. The oblivious patron said, “My taste buds know exactly what to expect!”
Trey Donaldson, a nincompoop from Maple Grove, Minnesota, was visiting a grad school friend from The Mountain State over the weekend. The unsuspecting out-of-stater bit into the assumed regular ol’ dinner roll when his existence transformed into a Aronofysky-esque hyper-zoom revealing pupils dilating, synapses firing, time-lapses of flowers blooming, soldiers kissing their wives after returning home from war, and The Big Bang.
Donaldson was left speechless for hours before snapping back to reality. Ramp reporters questioned Donaldson after the event took place, and he was cradling a large pile of pepperoni rolls in his untucked shirt. “When I had it with ‘roni everything changed.”
“It’s got the cheese! (It’s got the cheese!)” Donaldson touted with a mouthful of masterfully-baked, warm sensuality. One after another, he stuffed the fresh pepperoni rolls into his mouth. He was unable to appropriately respond to our questions, but we’re pretty sure he muttered, “I’m on a roll.” Okay, Dad.
Before parting ways, Trey wished us a “pep-tastic day”. We get it, this guy is cheeky and adorable. “What?! It’s just a pun about pepperoni rolls!”
Contact Leah Gore if you would like the food at your next get together to feature that sort of catchy, auto-tune vibe that will be stuck in your head for months.
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