CHARLESTON — Ms. Valerie Frizzle, Ph. D., was unable to take her class into a human body riddled with the Omicron variant or COVID-19 this week after her superintendent told her she was “no longer needed”.
Frizzle spoke with Ramp reporters, saying, “My class is as studious as studious can be. We’ve traveled to many places, including the small and large intestines. But just before we revved up the bus, Kanawha County Schools put a roadblock in front of us.”
Frizzle allegedly proposed a field trip into Governor Jim Justice’s innards, where she planned to convince her anti-vax students how mRNA vaccines worked in preventing more serious effects of the deadly virus.
Frizzle told her class, “The best way to learn, is to do! And by ‘do’, I mean ‘do your fucking research’. And Facebook memes are not peer reviewed studies. You guys don’t have PhDs in Pharmacology, you’re in the fucking fourth grade.”
Unfortunately, the superintendent had other plans, saying, “Frizzle’s teaching methods are a bit unorthodox, which is fine and if we had the funds to keep her, but when we need to make spending cuts, the freaks are the first to go.”
Frizzle told Ramp reporters that she will continue her expedition into Justice’s b-hole with friend Osmosis Jones. Jones is said to have abandoned the mission just before entry, saying, “Fuck this shit. I’m out.”
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