FORT GAY — Two confused and hysterical Pride attendees were rescued this week after being missing for eight days. The couple were found after inquiring about Drag Me to Brunch at Dollar General.
The men spoke about the events leading up to their disappearance, “We just typed ‘Gay’ into the Waze app.” Connor Wright told Ramp reporters. “It seemed like we might be in the wrong place, but then we thought, ‘Fort Gay?’ This might be some sort of immersive, survival Pride event. So we started foraging and looking for shelter.”
The two men spent seven nights in the woods with only a case of White Claw, a rainbow feather boa, and a rainbow flag. “We thought the party might kick in any minute, and then we thought there might be a prize at the end, but by the end of day two, we were frightened for our lives and fighting with crows over discarded French fries.” They had fashioned the boa and flag into a trap for small rodents.
“We did see a black bear, which was terrifying at the time, but hilarious in hindsight.” A malnourished Wright laughed. “So did we win or did we miss Pride completely?”
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