MYRTLE BEACH – The Marshall Thundering Herd and the University of Connecticut Huskies are ready to rumble in the inaugural Bargain Beachwear Bowl today, December 19. This is considered a home game for Marshall for obvious reasons. The game starts at Prime Time – 2:30PM EST.
The Thundering Herd has been preparing for the matchup by vacationing at Myrtle Beach every summer since the day they were born. At a press conference, Ramp reporters spoke with Coach Huff who was wearing a sun cap, sunglasses, and struggling to carry an assortment of beach day essentials, such as a cooler, an umbrella, and a beach ball. “We’re ready. We were born ready. I’ve yet to visit The West Virginia of The South, but my coaching staff is telling me they’re ‘bout to go hard on me at Dick’s Last Resort.”
Bargain Beachwear, the regionally renowned discount swimsuit retailer, has asked that we mention that the coupons on their website have expired and are no longer good at any of the thirteen Myrtle Beach locations. Tate Kinney, a manager at one of the several North Kings Highway locations, told The Ramp, “If you have a problem with the coupons, I guess you can go fuck yourself. Good luck finding a last minute snorkel.”
The Huskies have all but thrown in the towel – beach pun – since they are more of a cold weather breed and are more comfortable vacationing up north. Connecticuters typically visit Cape Cod in the summers because they’re rich and they think they’re better than us. Well, you’re not better than us, and we’re happy that The Pavilion closed down just so you don’t get to make precious memories there.
Let’s go, Marshall! Bring home that win! But more importantly, bring home some salvia because it’s still legal in South Carolina. And again, the coupons on the Bargain Beachwear website are expired. They will not honor them. Even if you buy the entire hermit crab cage, you will still be required to purchase the hermit crab.
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