LOGAN — Logan County Fire Departments are under investigation for reportedly straight up balling out with some of that sweet, sweet cheddar.
“It’s very rewarding being a volunteer firefighter,” Brendan Smith told Ramp reporters from the driver’s seat of a 2021 Audi R8 equipped with a gnarsty 532-horsepower V10 engine — we were listening to that puppy scream. “And, hey, the toys are nice.”
We asked Smith about the allegations of fraud and the massive investigation that had just been launched, “Look fellas, I ain’t really worried about it.” He put on his Aviator Titanium Ray-Bans, “If they wanna try to come after me, all I gotta do is pick up the phone. I know volunteer firefighters all over this goddamn country.” He said, threatening the lives of public servants.
Smith tipped us like four hundred dollars and told us to buy ourselves something pretty. As he was checking his hunky firefighter self out in his rear view mirror, he said, “If anyone comes sniffing around for intel, tell them that I told you to tell them to suck my dick.” And then he did a huge burnout in the parking lot, leaving us coughing in a haze of his badassery.
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