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Local Boy Proudly Vandalizes Underwear with Skid Marks

HUNTINGTON -- Local man, Patrick Salmons, wanted to “celebrate Pride” by finally going potty all by himself. Unfortunately, he trusted a fart after dining at Texas Roadhouse.





Reportedly, Salmons did not tip the server, despite requiring over seven sweet tea refills (and an additional refill to-go).



Salmons, whose friends report “seriously wore out” that one Oliver Anthony song — apparently made some homemade fudge rounds in his tighty whities.



Ramp Reporters reached out to Salmons who denied the allegations that he shat himself and then cried in front of several credible witnesses.



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