NEW YORK — Homophobic hot dog delegate and actual cuck, John Mandt Jr, shocked the world yesterday, after donning a shocking outfit which he told Ramp reporters “represented the plight of the hungry home game attendees.” An outdated reference of his hot dogs being banned for Marshall University home football games.
We interviewed Mandt to get the full scoop on his mustard drip. “They don’t sell our dogs at the stadium anymore. This represents my loss of profits and also my freedoms that the libs are trying to take away from true patriots.” He said, living in the past.
Mandt, who was crying like a baby, tried to tell us who designed his outfit for the evening, but he was blubbering so loudly and doing like that really shakey breathing you’d hear from someone who had lost a beloved family member. It was fucking pathetic and we have a hunch that he just bought that shit online.
After sobbing for hours and repeating “I just wanted to own the libs” over and over and over, he was snorting and slobbering and wiping snot on his sleeves. We decided this little baby was simply not worth our time or money.
We spoke with Paula Jean Swearengin who was tweeting about how it should have been her, wearing ramen, and protesting the lavish event.
Other hot celebs of the evening were Jim Justice and Joe Manchin, who accidentally wore the same outfit made entirely of dead human bodies.
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