Jim Justice Enjoys Phish Concert from Front Row

CHARLESTON — “It was groovy, man. I know it sounds loonier than a dog in heat, but you just gotta experience it for yourself.”

“You might think Phish-heads are a buncha sissy boys, but you try standin’ nut-to-butt in the middle of a jam-packed stadium for 6 hours straight when it’s hotter than a billy goat’s ass in a pepper patch.” Justice confirmed he was just coming out of a K-hole.

Governor Justice, who was wearing a knock-off Owsley buckle and reeking of patchouli, told Ramp reporters that, "Like, even though their studio albums are more accessible, true Phans know there's nothing that slaps more than a '97 MSG Hood or a '96 Bomb Factory jam. Play it for Babydog, Cactus!" And truly, we have no idea what the fuck that means.

“It’s really about the sense of community you feel with your feller Pham,” the Governor said. “Everyone there is just vibin’ harder than Babydog layin' on the porch, chewin' on a big ol' catfish head.”