LEWISBURG — Children’s Basketball Coach and hobbyist Governor, Jim Justice, came out last week as “bicoachable”. A new word that we’ve never heard before. “I have proven that I can take little girls to Regionals, but I wanna show the world that I can take little boys to States,” Coach Justice said at a press conference.
As COVID-19 cases have surged among children in the U.S., Justice has been laser-focused on the rigorous interview process for the Greenbrier East High School boys basketball team head coach. “I just don’t have time to do nothin’. I’ve been drawin’ up plays and practicing halftime speeches. Seriously, I’m up to my corn husks in interview prep.”
When we asked Jim Justice if he was worried about the all time high in COVID-19 rates and hospitalizations among children, Justice said, “Now wait just a stupid second… you’re screwin’ this thang all to hell. I’m supposed to be talkin’ about my merits as a little boys basketball coach, not governin’. This is my legacy right here, and I’m gonna do whatever it takes to bring home the state trophy to Lewisburg.”
Justice then reiterated that he literally could not give less of a shit about governing West Virginia by saying, “I literally could not give less of a shit about governing West Virginia. I just wanna coach little boys.”
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