BOONE — Environmental activists have cleverly disguised selected Blue Ridge mountaintops as your racist uncle‘s buddy, and the Friends of Coal are pissed off and confused as hell.
“It’s like, I really want to destroy the shit out of the top of that mountain, leaving it a useless and barren wasteland of a once thriving ecosystem,” Project Lead, Darren Bowles, told Ramp reporters. “But I can’t. That mountain holds the same values that I do.”
We exasperatedly attempted to explain to Bowles that it’s those very anti-environmentalist and racist views are what led to the MAGA Mountaintops, to which he said, “I just love Trump so much, he tells it like it is.”
Bowles told us that projects would be on hold until further notice. With teary eyes, he said, “I couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I destroyed something so beautiful.”
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