The town of Huntington is still reeling after finding the former head football coach locked inside the basement of a signature burger eatery.
It’s unknown how long Holliday was inside the restaurant’s basement, but it was long enough to get hella toned calves and thighs.
“I had nowhere to go after being let go… so I came here,” said Holliday. Holliday was let go from his coaching position at Marshall in January.
Frotstop Drive-In stopped using the bike to power the sign in 1979 after an employee had pedaled too fast, knocking the mug off the axle and spilling more than 7,000 gallons of root beer on Hal Greer Blvd. They also stopped filling the giant mug with actual root beer.
We spoke to Frostop manager, Ron Tickley. “We still kept the bike in some part of the basement where we keep the malt. That shit is nasty and everyone hates it so we never really go back into that room,” said Tickley. “Then some sick motherfucker ordered a malt milkshake, so I went downstairs and there was Doc Holliday, pedaling away! He switched the power source to the bike again!”
Holliday told Ramp Reporters that he survived on corn dogs and root beer. “I wanted to keep *belch* giving back to the community that already gave so *belch* so much to- *belch* me-*belch* excuse me. I still got a lot to give this town. I know Chad Pennington likes to pretend to be a ghost at the theater, Randy Moss takes care of the pink elephant. Once you do something for this town you can’t stop.”
When asked if he would want, like… a real job for real money, Doc Just laughed and started pedaling again.
“Apparently what I had done already as head coach just wasn’t enough. I mean, seven bowl games, what the hell else do they want?!” Holliday then started laughing hysterically and began pedaling faster and faster.
It took 7 deputies to get him off the bike. Damn, his thighs and calves were so big… such power.
Holliday is now safe and back with his family, but if anyone knows the whereabouts of former President Gilbert, please call our tip line.
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