MADISON — Local political activist and sculptor, Jeremy Bradshaw, has been painstakingly working on a marble statue of Robert C Byrd that will be erected in Madison — where the formerly-living racist, who was really good at doing KKK stuff, will be immortalized atop a horse for some reason.
“It’s not just about hating black people,” Bradshaw told Ramp reporters, “it’s about hating blacks, Jews, immigrants, leftists, homosexuals, Catholics, Muslims, and atheists alike. We’re an equal opportunity organization strictly for white Christians.” We weren’t surprised at how racist this racist was, we were more surprised at the intricate and seemingly delicate details that were chiseled out of the slab of marble.
“Robert C Byrd remains the longest-serving U.S. Senator in the history of this once great country. It’s not so great anymore, unfortunately, because us whites aren’t able to do great stuff — like create new chapters of the KKK and then get repeatedly re-elected to public offices. It’s a damn shame, but at least West Virginia more closely aligns with the good ol’ politics of yore.” This maladjusted mother fucker was spitting some seriously inexcusable nonsense, but we attempted to separate the art from the artist. It was a spitting image of that bigoted dipshit.
“As Bob Dylan once said, ‘Times They Are a-Changin’’. Bradshaw said, with a reference that we never would have predicted. “And now we’ve just got to help each other adapt. We might not like the changes, but we’ve got to stick together. I wish for a world where I can congregate with other racists and xenophobes and not be persecuted for our beliefs. I wish for a world where, I too, can land a deal selling hot dogs to a major university’s stadium concession stand. Maybe one day…”
After we left Bradshaw’s workshop, we went to Lowe’s and rented a jackhammer. We waited until he drove away, and tearfully destroyed the extremely offensive, yet exquisitely executed, racist masterpiece.
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