MILTON — Blenko Glass Company is an industry leader in making handcrafted, mouth blown, artisan one-hitters, bowls, pipes, and bongs that the company has now confirmed are for “tobacco use only”.
This is devastating news for all you stoney-balonies out there who were hoping to get blasted on today’s widely-celebrated weed holiday. All this time, we’ve been misusing the several bongs in our offices that were intended to either display flowers or smoke pipe tobacco.
The announcement has Thrax CBD's board of directors saying, "Wait, who ate the rest of my sushi? I was specifically looking forward to my refrigerated sushi for lunch, and now I have to go get new sushi when I could have already been eating the sushi I purchased earlier."
Ramp reporters spoke with Blenko Glass Company spokesperson, Samantha Carroll, who said, “Yeah, these pieces are for ‘novelty use only’.” She was gesturing at some beautiful, custom water bongs while doing air quotes and exaggeratedly winking. “So please, whatever you do, don’t put weed in this.” She said, nodding her head slowly and winking. Carroll was wearing a Bob Marley shirt, and the entire place smelled like burnt rubber and patchouli.
Many residents have gone to Blenko Glass Company for their high-end high maintenance for decades. This groundbreaking news comes as a surprise to your uncle in Ona who definitely doesn't have a few plants growing on his property. Your uncle told Ramp reporters, “I mean, if it says ‘tobacco use only’ then I reckon it’s for tobacco use only. I always follow the instructions, and I always obey the law.” He said winking like that other pothead we talked to earlier.
There you have it, folks. “Definitely” only use Blenko bongs and pipes and one-hitters and shit for “tobacco”. They are designed for “tobacco” and “novelty” use only. And while you're here, celebrate by visiting Thrax CBD and be sure to use coupon code “THERAMP” at checkout for 20% off your next order! Once again, yes, it’s real offer code.
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