Purdue Pharma’s Sackler Family Held Accountable for Heinous Crimes and Murders, Lol JK
CHARLESTON — The Sackler Family, owners of Purdue Pharma–who misled doctors, falsely marketed, and purposefully funneled a shit-load of...
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Oct 10, 20212 min read
Jim Justice Presents The Ramp News with Pulitzer Prize
WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO KNOW, WV — The Ramp was awarded the most prestigious award in journalism this week from THE Greenbrier East girls’...
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Oct 8, 20212 min read
Gov. Jim Justice Trapped in Elevator, Not Satire, Just Hilarious
CHARLESTON — Big Coach Governor Jim Justice was trapped in an elevator in the governor’s mansion yesterday, and no, this is not a bit....
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Oct 2, 20212 min read
Joe Manchin’s Relaxing Afternoon Nearly Ruined by Desperate Poor People
WASHINGTON D.C. — Desperate and poor protestors on kayaks paid America’s Sweetheart, Senator Joe Manchin, a visit yesterday while he was...
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Sep 30, 20211 min read
Tyler Childers’ Coattails Long Enough for Entire Marshall Music Department
HUNTINGTON — Tyler Childers, local country music superstar, made it to the big time. Along for the ride was his band, The Food Stamps,...
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Sep 30, 20211 min read
Tyler Childers' Massive Coattails Stretch to Red Rocks Amphitheatre, Colorado
MORRISON, COLORADO — Tune in tonight for Day 2 of Tyler Childers making the dreams of Marshall music majors come true. It is well known...
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Sep 29, 20212 min read
Charleston Dirty Birds Found Dead in Coal Mine, Deemed Unsafe for Miners
CHARLESTON — The newly revealed Charleston Dirty Birds were found dead in a coal mine this morning. Official cause of death is Methane...
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Sep 28, 20212 min read
Robert C. Byrd "too racist for Hell", Satan Says
HELL — Former Senator and super efficient and effective member of the Ku Klux Klan, Robert C. Byrd, was recently banished from The Shadow...
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Sep 25, 20212 min read
BASE Jumpers Back Out of Bridge Day Event, Bridge Tournament to Be Held Instead
FAYETTE COUNTY — Bridge Day suffered a teeny tiny little set back this week after the literal only fucking reason anyone would go to the...
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Sep 21, 20212 min read
Stoned Intern Misheard “Popeyes” for “Pot Eyes”, Causing Huntington Traffic Jam
HUNTINGTON – After a stoned social media intern misheard “Popeyes” instead of “Pot eyes” (a hopeful Huntington marijuana dispensary),...
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Sep 19, 20211 min read
Thundering Herd Re-enact Opening Scene of “We Are Marshall” in Loss to East Carolina
Saturday night, East Carolina University pulled off an impressive upset against Marshall with 21 unanswered fourth quarter points. That's...
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Sep 18, 20212 min read
Cut and Toned Doc Holliday Found in Frostop Basement Pedaling Bike that Powers Spinning Mug
The town of Huntington is still reeling after finding the former head football coach locked inside the basement of a signature burger...
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Sep 11, 20211 min read
Suddenlink Subscriber Finds Out About 9/11 After Web Page Finally Fucking Loads
WIRT COUNTY — Local Suddenlink subscriber mourns the nation’s 2001 tragedy this week after the webpage finally fucking loads. West...
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Sep 8, 20211 min read
Paula Jean Swearengin Arrested for Protesting Expensive Pho
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Author of the new cookbook, Appalachian Fares for the Poorest of Poor, was arrested at a Pho restaurant in our...
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Sep 6, 20211 min read
Coach Huff Authorizes Brutal Attack on United States Navy
HUNTINGTON – The Marshall Thundering Herd organized a coordinated attack against the United States Navy. The Navy Midshipmen were...
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Sep 5, 20211 min read
Jeffrey McClelland Breaks World Record by Drumming for Every Single Band at HMAF
HUNTINGTON – A successful Huntington Music & Arts Festival took place this weekend -- a showcase of local musicians, artists, and food....
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Sep 4, 20211 min read
Huntington Pop Duo, Massing, Under Investigation for Tax Evasion
HUNTINGTON — Last night, an anonymous source told Ramp reporters that local pop boyband sensation, Massing, is under fire from the IRS...
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Sep 3, 20212 min read
We Interviewed Barstool Marshall and It Kinda Just Sat There Because It's a Fucking Barstool
HUNTINGTON — We heard Barstool Marshall was dunking on small community colleges online, so we sent Ramp reporters out to get an exclusive...
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Sep 2, 20211 min read
Ramp Reporters Eagerly Await Next Natural Disaster
After riding an absolute life-altering 48 hour high, Ramp reporters are impatiently anticipating the next natural disaster to strike The...
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Sep 1, 20211 min read
In-Person Classes Resume at Marshall Despite COVID-19 and Biblical Floods
HUNTINGTON – Marshall University decided to resume in-person classes on Monday evening despite skyrocketing cases of COVID-19 and an...
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