Missing Pride Event Attendees Rescued in Fort Gay
FORT GAY — Two confused and hysterical Pride attendees were rescued this week after being missing for eight days. The couple were found...
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Jun 11, 20221 min read
Alligator Jackson Stays Hydrated at Pullman Square With Sleek New Ramp Koozie
HUNTINGTON — Alligator Jackson (and his dog of the same name) were seen at Pullman Square last weekend “having a stroke” from lack of...
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Jun 4, 20222 min read
Rock City Cake Company Advertises Delicious New Human Excrement Cupcakes
CHARLESTON — What a better way to kick off the summer than to support a washed-up actor who hasn’t been in anything watchable for the...
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May 31, 20221 min read
Shelley Moore Capito Breaks Silence After Uvalde Shooting, “Cha-CHING”
CHARLESTON — Shelley Moore Capito, who has received more money in donations from the NRA than you’ve made since entering the workforce,...
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May 19, 20222 min read
The Ramp Celebrates First Birthday, Turns 48 in Coal Miner Years
W.Va. — Join us in celebrating the first birthday of West Virginia’s favorite news source—US! The Ramp turns 48 in coal miner years, and...
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May 17, 20222 min read
Joe Manchin says He’ll Support Abortion Bill “Over Your Dead Body”
WASHINGTON D.C. — Senator Joe Manchin (WV-D) revealed that he’ll support an abortion bill “over your dead body”, insinuating that he’d...
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May 4, 20221 min read
John Mandt Jr. Shocks the World with Controversial Attire at Met Gala
NEW YORK — Homophobic hot dog delegate and actual cuck, John Mandt Jr, shocked the world yesterday, after donning a shocking outfit which...
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Apr 28, 20223 min read
Elon Musk Buys The Ramp for $44
W.Va. — It’s been a busy week for the richest man on Earth and Saturday Night Live star, Elon Musk, who purchased Twitter for $44...
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Apr 20, 20221 min read
Jim Justice Enjoys Phish Concert from Front Row
CHARLESTON — “It was groovy, man. I know it sounds loonier than a dog in heat, but you just gotta experience it for yourself.” “You might...
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Apr 20, 20222 min read
Blenko Glass Co. Confirms Pipes Are For Tobacco Use Only
MILTON — Blenko Glass Company is an industry leader in making handcrafted, mouth blown, artisan one-hitters, bowls, pipes, and bongs that...
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Apr 19, 20221 min read
Judge Rules to End Babydog Justice's Conservatorship
CHARLESTON— The Mountain State’s very own bad girl ICON, Babydog Justice, has been released from her terribly abusive and manipulative...
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Apr 11, 20222 min read
Local Idiot Orders Hot Dog With “Chili”
CHARLESTON – Local fucking idiot embarrassingly ordered a hot dog with chili on Saturday evening at Super Weenie in Charleston. Michaela...
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Apr 9, 20222 min read
Protesters Filibuster Joe Manchin’s Bank Account
GRANT TOWN — Senator Joe Manchin is furious today after a large group of protesters formed a blockade around the only thing he’s ever...
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Apr 8, 20221 min read
Top 10 Failed Thrax Slogans
HUNTINGTON -- The big wigs upstairs have been working tirelessly to figure out a damn slogan for these dank products. Thrax called an...
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Apr 5, 20222 min read
Scientists Discover Even Bigger Loafer
HUNTINGTON (Well, technically Barboursville) — Scientists made a breakthrough discovery this week by proving the existence of an Even...
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Apr 1, 20221 min read
Progressive Legislation Passed in WV
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Mar 28, 20221 min read
IN MEMORIAM: See Ya Later, Alligator Jackson
HUNTINGTON — Alligator Jackson hasn’t shared one of our articles in quite some time, which means there is literally no other explanation...
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Mar 22, 20222 min read
Senator Eric Tarr Proposes Using Foster Children’s Screams As Energy Source
CHARLESTON — Senator Eric Tarr (R-Putnam), seen here watching a child being waterboarded, received a 3 hour standing ovation on the...
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Mar 18, 20221 min read
PawPaw’s Knee Actin’ Up Again, Lookin’ Like Rain
WAYNE — Put on your raincoats and drive cautiously, PawPaw just told us his knee is actin’ up again, and you know what that means. It’s...
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Mar 15, 20222 min read
Vat of Critical Race Theory Leaks Into Kanawha River
CHARLESTON — The citizens of Charleston and surrounding areas are suddenly woke AF after a large batch of Critical Race Theory was...
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