Manchin’s COVID Coitus Cruise: Masks Worn, Social Distancing Discouraged
WASHINGTON D.C. — Senator Joe Manchin had a bipartisan sex romp on his houseboat on Saturday to commemorate not doing shit for people who...
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Jul 30, 20211 min read
Jim Justice: “I’m going to publicly execute the Delta variant but first I have to piss and shit”
CHARLESTON — During a COVID-19 press conference on Wednesday, Governor Jim Justice outlined his execution strategy for the Delta Variant...
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Jul 19, 20211 min read
Dakota Nelson Talks Policy: “i’m tryna fit right in the middle of your next gazzmm!”
CABELL — Former District 16 House of Delegates candidate, Dakota Nelson, talked policy on his OnlyFans page this week. “I don't wanna...
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Jul 15, 20211 min read
Environmentalists Utilize New Technique to Prevent Mountaintop Removal
BOONE — Environmental activists have cleverly disguised selected Blue Ridge mountaintops as your racist uncle‘s buddy, and the Friends of...
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Jul 12, 20212 min read
Joe Manchin Introduces New Pet X̵̬̯͖̂̆́̋ȇ̶̻̘̭̈́̽͜ḻ̵͉͐̏̽ę̴͙̪͓̇͘͝x̶͈̝̯̃̅̊͘n̸̫̫̩͐̓̔̄x̶̟̣̱̹͊ą̸̼̊͐̅́r̵
In response to Do It For Babydog, Senator Joe Manchin looks to win over constituents with his new "pet". Meet X̵̬̯͖̂̆́̋ȇ̶̻̘̭̈́̽͜ḻ̵͉͐̏̽e̴...
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Jul 10, 20212 min read
Out of Ideas, Jim Justice Tells Out of Work Coal Miners to “Get a Hobby or Somethin’”
CHARLESTON — Jim Justice held a press conference to inspire out of work coal miners on Monday. Despite the fact that fracking only...
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Jul 6, 20211 min read
Joe Manchin Gives Uplifting Commencement Speech, "You can be anything Republicans want you to be"
BETHANY — Senator Joe Manchin addressed the graduation class at Bethany College with a closed-door speech, sayin, “Look, you can be...
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Jun 29, 20212 min read
Boone County Activist Erects Confederate Monument
MADISON — Local political activist and sculptor, Jeremy Bradshaw, has been painstakingly working on a marble statue of Robert C Byrd that...
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Jun 22, 20212 min read
In Honor of Pride Month, John Mandt Jr. Resigns from Fatherhood
HUNTINGTON — “My words, actions, and overall shittiness have caused my children to have a difficult time when it comes to making...
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Jun 17, 20212 min read
Rep. Alex Mooney Denies Allegations of Misusing Campaign Funds
CHARLES TOWN — “Yeah, I dropped a couple racks at Chick-Fil-A. Since when is that a fuckin’ crime?” West Virginia Congressman, Alex...
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Jun 8, 20211 min read
Joe Manchin Filibusts in His Pants After Voting “No” to a Bill Literally Called “For the People”
CHARLESTON — Ramp reporters interviewed Senator Joe Manchin after he allegedly filibusted all in his jeans after casting a “nay” vote in...
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May 26, 20211 min read
Bathroom Emergency: Sen. Joe Manchin Diarrheas Himself During Session
CHARLESTON — Senator Joe Manchin was seen scampering at the Capitol today, followed by the sounds and smells of squished smash. “I...
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May 22, 20211 min read
WV Republicans Thrilled After CDC Announces End of Masked Man Dates
CHARLESTON — Many Republicans in the Mountain State are thrilled to hear that the CDC is no longer requiring masked man dates....
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May 20, 20211 min read
Gov. Jim Justice Seen Coloring and Giggling
CHARLESTON — Governor Jim Justice was rightfully proud of his very good art, after being given one of those dope, Crayola 64-packs with...
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