Progressive Legislation Passed in WV
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Feb 15, 20221 min read
W.Va. GOP Celebrates Black History Month by Firing Teachers Who Mention It
CHARLESTON — In honor of Black History Month, Mike Azinger (AKA Diet Derrick Evans) introduced an incredibly backwards and racist...
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Feb 10, 20221 min read
Homelessness Ravages Charleston, Nevertheless Kayla Young Tweeted
CHARLESTON — A $2.1 million American Rescue Plan application was rescinded yesterday after a bunch of white people decided homeless...
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Feb 7, 20222 min read
Spotify Quietly Removes 113 Chapters from WV History Curriculum
CHARLESTON — Proponents of the “Anti-Stereotyping” Bill are outraged that Spotify quietly removed 113 entries of West Virginia history...
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Jan 13, 20221 min read
Gov. Jim Justice Tests Positive for COVID-19, Learns “Positive” Means Bad
LEWISBURG — Billionaire coal mogul with blood on his hands and high school girls basketball coach, Governor Jim Justice, received a...
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Jan 8, 20221 min read
Shelley Moore Capito Screams “Stop the Steal” After Being Cheated Out of Toughman Ring Girl Contest
HUNTINGTON — Senator Shelley Moore Capito entered and very horribly lost the Ring Girl Competition at this year’s Toughman. Judges told...
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Dec 22, 20212 min read
Jim Justice Spends Remaining CARES Act Funds on $127mil "Lazy Miner" NFT
Governor Jim Justice claims that there are “mucho bucks” to be made in Crypto art pieces. He announced at a briefing on Monday that he...
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Dec 20, 20211 min read
Joe Manchin Filibusts in His Pants After Voting “No” to a Bill Literally Called “Do The Right Thing”
CHARLESTON — Ramp reporters interviewed Senator Joe Manchin after he allegedly filibusted all in his slacks after casting a “nay” vote in...
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Dec 18, 20212 min read
HEARTWARMING: Joe Manchin Makes Big Donation of Coal for Children’s Stockings
CHARLESTON — Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! And that’s it! Just Christmas! No other religious holidays shall be acknowledged by Senator Joe...
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Dec 7, 20212 min read
Jim Justice Falls Asleep During Daily Reading of COVID-19 Deaths
CHARLESTON – Reading a list of over a hundred names of West Virginians lost to COVID-19, Governor Jim Justice’s head began to get visibly...
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Nov 4, 20211 min read
Joe Manchin Purchases $40,000 Tiny Violin
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Joe Manchin recently purchased an extremely tiny and extremely expensive, $40,000 Stradivarius violin so he could play...
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Oct 26, 20211 min read
Don Blankenship Invests Last Dime in Kohl’s Cash, Blames Clerical Error
Disgraced coal baron, Don Blankenship, has declared bankruptcy after investing heavily in Kohl’s Cash. "We heard a lot about data mining...
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Oct 22, 20212 min read
Richard Ojeda Eats Lightbulb on Facebook Live
??? Wherever he lives — Richard Ojeda received mixed reviews of his performance on Facebook Live after eating a lightbulb in front of 89...
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Oct 8, 20212 min read
Gov. Jim Justice Trapped in Elevator, Not Satire, Just Hilarious
CHARLESTON — Big Coach Governor Jim Justice was trapped in an elevator in the governor’s mansion yesterday, and no, this is not a bit....
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Oct 2, 20212 min read
Joe Manchin’s Relaxing Afternoon Nearly Ruined by Desperate Poor People
WASHINGTON D.C. — Desperate and poor protestors on kayaks paid America’s Sweetheart, Senator Joe Manchin, a visit yesterday while he was...
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Sep 28, 20212 min read
Robert C. Byrd "too racist for Hell", Satan Says
HELL — Former Senator and super efficient and effective member of the Ku Klux Klan, Robert C. Byrd, was recently banished from The Shadow...
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Sep 8, 20211 min read
Paula Jean Swearengin Arrested for Protesting Expensive Pho
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Author of the new cookbook, Appalachian Fares for the Poorest of Poor, was arrested at a Pho restaurant in our...
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Aug 24, 20211 min read
Sen. Joe Manchin Embarrassingly Shits Himself Yet Again, Everyone Laughs
CHARLESTON — In what was considered one of the most shamefully embarrassing scenes witnessed within the Capitol walls, Senator Joe...
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Aug 20, 20211 min read
Jim Justice Comes Out as Bicoachable: Little Girls AND Little Boys
LEWISBURG — Children’s Basketball Coach and hobbyist Governor, Jim Justice, came out last week as “bicoachable”. A new word that we’ve...
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Aug 13, 20211 min read
Plans to open new Dollar General in Michael Brumage’s Asshole
WASHINGTON D.C. — After a regular checkup with his proctologist, it was confirmed that Michael Brumage has a nasty case of irreversible...
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