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Aug 3, 20212 min read
Manchin’s COVID Coitus Cruise: Masks Worn, Social Distancing Discouraged
WASHINGTON D.C. — Senator Joe Manchin had a bipartisan sex romp on his houseboat on Saturday to commemorate not doing shit for people who...
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Aug 1, 20211 min read
To Prevent Looking Gay, John Mandt Jr. Serves Bologna Sandwiches at WV Hot Dog Festival
HUNTINGTON — Owner of Stewart’s Original Hot Dogs and well-known homophobic delegate, John Mandt Jr., reportedly realized that he “looked...
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Jul 31, 20211 min read
Robert C. Named State Bird
CHARLESTON – Legislation in West Virginia introduces a new state bird, the Robert C. The Robert C. is indigenous to the hills of...
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Jul 30, 20211 min read
Jim Justice: “I’m going to publicly execute the Delta variant but first I have to piss and shit”
CHARLESTON — During a COVID-19 press conference on Wednesday, Governor Jim Justice outlined his execution strategy for the Delta Variant...
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Jul 28, 20211 min read
UNSAFETY TOWN? Minor Charged with Vehicular Manslaughter, 3 Dead
HUNTINGTON — Braxdyn Hughes was arrested today after mowing down a few fellow third graders in the most precious little replica Speedway...
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Jul 27, 20212 min read
“My Brother, My Brother & Don Blankenship” Podcast Canceled After McElroy Brother is Injured
HUNTINGTON—The new hit podcast from The McElroy Family was canceled last week after the disappearance of Griffin and hospitalization of...
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Jul 26, 20211 min read
Babydog Justice Charged with Embezzling Vaccination Lottery Funds
LEWISBURG — Federal agents picked up Babydog Justice at her residence in Lewisburg where her father is currently unlawfully living....
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Jul 24, 20211 min read
Paula Jean Swearengin Cookbook ON SALE NOW
COAL CITY — Paula Jean Swearengin is rebranding as simply “Paula Jean” after some of her down-home, poor people recipes took off on...
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Jul 22, 20211 min read
Jim Justice Launched Into Space via Camden Park’s Big Dipper
Governor Jim Justice joined the likes of Jeff Bezos and Richard Branson this week, becoming another billionaire who recreationally...
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Jul 20, 20211 min read
“Nothing to do here” Says Resident of State with World-Renowned Outdoor Recreation
BECKLEY — “I’m so bored.” Christopher Hubbard told Ramp reporters. “Like, I usually would be snowboarding up at Winterplace right now,...
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Jul 19, 20211 min read
Dakota Nelson Talks Policy: “i’m tryna fit right in the middle of your next gazzmm!”
CABELL — Former District 16 House of Delegates candidate, Dakota Nelson, talked policy on his OnlyFans page this week. “I don't wanna...
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Jul 17, 20211 min read
We Asked Jennifer Garner About Growing Up in West Virginia and She Didn’t Reply to Our DM
CHARLESTON — Our staff reached out via Instagram Direct Message to ask international movie star, Jennifer Garner, what it was like to...
163 views1 comment
Jul 15, 20211 min read
Environmentalists Utilize New Technique to Prevent Mountaintop Removal
BOONE — Environmental activists have cleverly disguised selected Blue Ridge mountaintops as your racist uncle‘s buddy, and the Friends of...
683 views0 comments
Jul 14, 20211 min read
HEROIC: Woman Lifts Car Off of Save-A-Lot Coupons
WHEELING — Local hero, Marissa Williams, is being celebrated this week after lifting a full-ass car off of her Save-A-Lot Coupons. Ramp...
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Jul 12, 20212 min read
Joe Manchin Introduces New Pet X̵̬̯͖̂̆́̋ȇ̶̻̘̭̈́̽͜ḻ̵͉͐̏̽ę̴͙̪͓̇͘͝x̶͈̝̯̃̅̊͘n̸̫̫̩͐̓̔̄x̶̟̣̱̹͊ą̸̼̊͐̅́r̵
In response to Do It For Babydog, Senator Joe Manchin looks to win over constituents with his new "pet". Meet X̵̬̯͖̂̆́̋ȇ̶̻̘̭̈́̽͜ḻ̵͉͐̏̽e̴...
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Jul 10, 20212 min read
Out of Ideas, Jim Justice Tells Out of Work Coal Miners to “Get a Hobby or Somethin’”
CHARLESTON — Jim Justice held a press conference to inspire out of work coal miners on Monday. Despite the fact that fracking only...
183 views1 comment
Jul 8, 20211 min read
Dancing With the Stars Welcomes New Host, Jesco White
LOS ANGELES — The newest season of Dancing With The Stars introduces a new host this season. West Virginia native, Jesco White, also...
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Jul 7, 20211 min read
Logan County Fire Departments’ Finances Under Fire, Firefighters Fired
LOGAN — Logan County Fire Departments are under investigation for reportedly straight up balling out with some of that sweet, sweet...
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Jul 6, 20211 min read
Joe Manchin Gives Uplifting Commencement Speech, "You can be anything Republicans want you to be"
BETHANY — Senator Joe Manchin addressed the graduation class at Bethany College with a closed-door speech, sayin, “Look, you can be...
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Jul 3, 20213 min read
Top 20 Ways Derrick Evans Prepares for Independence Day
20. Searching your closet for your red, white, and blue swim trunks Gotta go with the red, white, and blue! But where did you put those...
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