Charleston Dirty Birds Found Dead in Coal Mine, Deemed Unsafe for Miners
CHARLESTON — The newly revealed Charleston Dirty Birds were found dead in a coal mine this morning. Official cause of death is Methane...
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Sep 28, 20212 min read
Robert C. Byrd "too racist for Hell", Satan Says
HELL — Former Senator and super efficient and effective member of the Ku Klux Klan, Robert C. Byrd, was recently banished from The Shadow...
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Sep 25, 20212 min read
BASE Jumpers Back Out of Bridge Day Event, Bridge Tournament to Be Held Instead
FAYETTE COUNTY — Bridge Day suffered a teeny tiny little set back this week after the literal only fucking reason anyone would go to the...
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Sep 21, 20212 min read
Stoned Intern Misheard “Popeyes” for “Pot Eyes”, Causing Huntington Traffic Jam
HUNTINGTON – After a stoned social media intern misheard “Popeyes” instead of “Pot eyes” (a hopeful Huntington marijuana dispensary),...
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Sep 19, 20211 min read
Thundering Herd Re-enact Opening Scene of “We Are Marshall” in Loss to East Carolina
Saturday night, East Carolina University pulled off an impressive upset against Marshall with 21 unanswered fourth quarter points. That's...
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Sep 6, 20211 min read
Coach Huff Authorizes Brutal Attack on United States Navy
HUNTINGTON – The Marshall Thundering Herd organized a coordinated attack against the United States Navy. The Navy Midshipmen were...
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Sep 5, 20211 min read
Jeffrey McClelland Breaks World Record by Drumming for Every Single Band at HMAF
HUNTINGTON – A successful Huntington Music & Arts Festival took place this weekend -- a showcase of local musicians, artists, and food....
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Sep 4, 20211 min read
Huntington Pop Duo, Massing, Under Investigation for Tax Evasion
HUNTINGTON — Last night, an anonymous source told Ramp reporters that local pop boyband sensation, Massing, is under fire from the IRS...
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Sep 3, 20212 min read
We Interviewed Barstool Marshall and It Kinda Just Sat There Because It's a Fucking Barstool
HUNTINGTON — We heard Barstool Marshall was dunking on small community colleges online, so we sent Ramp reporters out to get an exclusive...
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Sep 2, 20211 min read
Ramp Reporters Eagerly Await Next Natural Disaster
After riding an absolute life-altering 48 hour high, Ramp reporters are impatiently anticipating the next natural disaster to strike The...
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Sep 1, 20211 min read
In-Person Classes Resume at Marshall Despite COVID-19 and Biblical Floods
HUNTINGTON – Marshall University decided to resume in-person classes on Monday evening despite skyrocketing cases of COVID-19 and an...
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Aug 31, 20211 min read
Cargo Ship Blocks 3rd Avenue, Huntington
HUNTINGTON – A cargo ship carrying 15,600 containers of hot dogs and vape cartridges has become wedged in front of Marshall University’s...
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Aug 28, 20211 min read
Rough N' Rowdy 15 Matchups Announced
This weekend is the 15th Rough N' Rowdy brawl at Charleston Coliseum and Convention Center in Charleston, WV. "The world's wildest...
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Aug 18, 20211 min read
Babydog Justice gets Face-lift and Liposuction
CHARLESTON — Babydog Justice went under the knife three weeks ago and has resurfaced as one sexy ass boss bitch. She is looking very...
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Aug 17, 20211 min read
No, Wrong Mystery Hole
ANSTED — WOAH! This isn’t an underground series of rooms where the walls and floors are built at angles to give the impression that there...
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Aug 10, 20211 min read
West Virginia Nickname Changed to "The Mountain Lightning State"
CHARLESTON — Long revered as “basically the same thing as Mountain Dew, just cheaper,” The Wal-Mart Great Value Brand soda, Mountain...
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Aug 9, 20212 min read
Camden Park Includes Meaningfully Written Obituaries with Cost of Admission
HUNTINGTON— How would you want to be remembered after plummeting to your death from a roller coaster last inspected in the 1970s? Well,...
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Aug 8, 20212 min read
Delta-8 Variant Hot Spots Detected at Local Speedways
HUNTINGTON — A sudden uptick in Delta-8 found next to the cash registers at Speedway gas stations has raised some concerns among...
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Aug 5, 20211 min read
DaBaby Dropped from ChiliFest, Pro-Life Organizations in Uproar
DaBaby is in hotter water than Chad O’Toole’s signature Ghost Pepper Anus Napalm Chili. The famous rapper was dropped from the list of...
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Aug 4, 20211 min read
Morgantown Pothole Gains National Park Status
Another massive win for West Virginia conservation; a large Morgantown pothole has been added to the list of National Parks in the U.S.....
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