Jim Justice Falls Asleep During Daily Reading of COVID-19 Deaths
CHARLESTON – Reading a list of over a hundred names of West Virginians lost to COVID-19, Governor Jim Justice’s head began to get visibly...
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Dec 2, 20212 min read
Local Man’s Spotify Wrapped Just 'Whitehouse Road'
WEST BY GOD — Despite being from Kentucky, Tyler Childers is basically ours. From his humble beginnings at Black Sheep Burritos and Brews...
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Nov 29, 20212 min read
BREAKING: Scabs at Cabell Huntington Hospital Doing Bad Job
HUNTINGTON — In an unbelievable turn of events, the untrained scabs replacing striking Cabell Huntington Hospital workers aren’t doing as...
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Nov 24, 20212 min read
Top 10 Thanksgiving Dishes Improved by Grandma’s Secret Ingredient: Salt
We all know the holidays can be stressful, especially when you’re cookin’ a meal for everyone and their momma! Well, The Ramp is going to...
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Nov 20, 20211 min read
Babydog Justice Seen with New Boy Toy, Pete Davidson
NEW YORK, NY— Alleged “bad girl” and feminist icon, Babydog Justice, was seen over the weekend with her new boy toy, Pete Davidson, and...
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Nov 14, 20212 min read
Huntington Flies Herd-Ons at Half-Mast
HUNTINGTON — In honor of the tragic loss of Marshall’s 1970 football team, alumni and students are flying their Herd-Ons at half-mast....
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Nov 12, 20212 min read
WVU President to Star in “Gee Wee’s Reactionary Playhouse” at University of Austin
The bow tie wearing little rapscallion we all know and love is at it again! No, he hasn’t said anything disparaging this time! Yet! WVU...
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Nov 9, 20211 min read
Cabell Huntington Hospital Strikers Starve to Death After Receiving Free Stewart’s Hot Dogs
HUNTINGTON — Eight Cabell Huntington Hospital strikers made the decision to starve to death rather than eat John Mandt Jr’s homophobic...
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Nov 4, 20211 min read
Joe Manchin Purchases $40,000 Tiny Violin
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Joe Manchin recently purchased an extremely tiny and extremely expensive, $40,000 Stradivarius violin so he could play...
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Nov 3, 20211 min read
Chris Pratt to Voice Babydog Justice in New Live-Action Peacock Series
CHARLESTON — Hollywood’s official dude that does literally fucking everything for some reason, Chris Pratt, announced that he will be...
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Oct 28, 20212 min read
Facebook Changes Name to The Loud
MENLO PARK, CA – Facebook–that place my dad goes to share racist, boomer memes–announced that the organization, founded in 2004, will...
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Oct 26, 20211 min read
Don Blankenship Invests Last Dime in Kohl’s Cash, Blames Clerical Error
Disgraced coal baron, Don Blankenship, has declared bankruptcy after investing heavily in Kohl’s Cash. "We heard a lot about data mining...
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Oct 22, 20212 min read
Richard Ojeda Eats Lightbulb on Facebook Live
??? Wherever he lives — Richard Ojeda received mixed reviews of his performance on Facebook Live after eating a lightbulb in front of 89...
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Oct 20, 20212 min read
Body Found with "App-uh-LATCH-uh" Carved Into Skin
ATHENS — A body was found just outside Pipestem State Park Monday evening. Completely multilated, the age, sex, and cause of death are...
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Oct 18, 20211 min read
Shelem Holds #SugaWata Music Video Hostage
CHARLESTON – Local rising star and rapper, Shelem, released a disturbing hostage video on Twitter over the weekend indicating that the...
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Oct 16, 20211 min read
Purdue Pharma’s Sackler Family Held Accountable for Heinous Crimes and Murders, Lol JK
CHARLESTON — The Sackler Family, owners of Purdue Pharma–who misled doctors, falsely marketed, and purposefully funneled a shit-load of...
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Oct 10, 20212 min read
Jim Justice Presents The Ramp News with Pulitzer Prize
WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO KNOW, WV — The Ramp was awarded the most prestigious award in journalism this week from THE Greenbrier East girls’...
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Oct 8, 20212 min read
Gov. Jim Justice Trapped in Elevator, Not Satire, Just Hilarious
CHARLESTON — Big Coach Governor Jim Justice was trapped in an elevator in the governor’s mansion yesterday, and no, this is not a bit....
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Oct 2, 20212 min read
Joe Manchin’s Relaxing Afternoon Nearly Ruined by Desperate Poor People
WASHINGTON D.C. — Desperate and poor protestors on kayaks paid America’s Sweetheart, Senator Joe Manchin, a visit yesterday while he was...
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Sep 30, 20211 min read
Tyler Childers’ Coattails Long Enough for Entire Marshall Music Department
HUNTINGTON — Tyler Childers, local country music superstar, made it to the big time. Along for the ride was his band, The Food Stamps,...
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