News 2/6

Dec 7, 20212 min read

Jim Justice Falls Asleep During Daily Reading of COVID-19 Deaths

CHARLESTON – Reading a list of over a hundred names of West Virginians lost to COVID-19, Governor Jim Justice’s head began to get visibly...

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Dec 2, 20212 min read

Local Man’s Spotify Wrapped Just 'Whitehouse Road'

WEST BY GOD — Despite being from Kentucky, Tyler Childers is basically ours. From his humble beginnings at Black Sheep Burritos and Brews...

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Nov 29, 20212 min read

BREAKING: Scabs at Cabell Huntington Hospital Doing Bad Job

HUNTINGTON — In an unbelievable turn of events, the untrained scabs replacing striking Cabell Huntington Hospital workers aren’t doing as...

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Nov 24, 20212 min read

Top 10 Thanksgiving Dishes Improved by Grandma’s Secret Ingredient: Salt

We all know the holidays can be stressful, especially when you’re cookin’ a meal for everyone and their momma! Well, The Ramp is going to...

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Nov 20, 20211 min read

Babydog Justice Seen with New Boy Toy, Pete Davidson

NEW YORK, NY— Alleged “bad girl” and feminist icon, Babydog Justice, was seen over the weekend with her new boy toy, Pete Davidson, and...

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Nov 14, 20212 min read

Huntington Flies Herd-Ons at Half-Mast

HUNTINGTON — In honor of the tragic loss of Marshall’s 1970 football team, alumni and students are flying their Herd-Ons at half-mast....

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Nov 12, 20212 min read

WVU President to Star in “Gee Wee’s Reactionary Playhouse” at University of Austin

The bow tie wearing little rapscallion we all know and love is at it again! No, he hasn’t said anything disparaging this time! Yet! WVU...

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Nov 9, 20211 min read

Cabell Huntington Hospital Strikers Starve to Death After Receiving Free Stewart’s Hot Dogs

HUNTINGTON — Eight Cabell Huntington Hospital strikers made the decision to starve to death rather than eat John Mandt Jr’s homophobic...

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Nov 4, 20211 min read

Joe Manchin Purchases $40,000 Tiny Violin

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Joe Manchin recently purchased an extremely tiny and extremely expensive, $40,000 Stradivarius violin so he could play...

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Nov 3, 20211 min read

Chris Pratt to Voice Babydog Justice in New Live-Action Peacock Series

CHARLESTON — Hollywood’s official dude that does literally fucking everything for some reason, Chris Pratt, announced that he will be...

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Oct 28, 20212 min read

Facebook Changes Name to The Loud

MENLO PARK, CA – Facebook–that place my dad goes to share racist, boomer memes–announced that the organization, founded in 2004, will...

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Oct 26, 20211 min read

Don Blankenship Invests Last Dime in Kohl’s Cash, Blames Clerical Error

Disgraced coal baron, Don Blankenship, has declared bankruptcy after investing heavily in Kohl’s Cash. "We heard a lot about data mining...

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Oct 22, 20212 min read

Richard Ojeda Eats Lightbulb on Facebook Live

??? Wherever he lives — Richard Ojeda received mixed reviews of his performance on Facebook Live after eating a lightbulb in front of 89...

5,398 views2 comments

Oct 20, 20212 min read

Body Found with "App-uh-LATCH-uh" Carved Into Skin

ATHENS — A body was found just outside Pipestem State Park Monday evening. Completely multilated, the age, sex, and cause of death are...

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Oct 18, 20211 min read

Shelem Holds #SugaWata Music Video Hostage

CHARLESTON – Local rising star and rapper, Shelem, released a disturbing hostage video on Twitter over the weekend indicating that the...

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Oct 16, 20211 min read

Purdue Pharma’s Sackler Family Held Accountable for Heinous Crimes and Murders, Lol JK

CHARLESTON — The Sackler Family, owners of Purdue Pharma–who misled doctors, falsely marketed, and purposefully funneled a shit-load of...

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Oct 10, 20212 min read

Jim Justice Presents The Ramp News with Pulitzer Prize

WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO KNOW, WV — The Ramp was awarded the most prestigious award in journalism this week from THE Greenbrier East girls’...

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Oct 8, 20212 min read

Gov. Jim Justice Trapped in Elevator, Not Satire, Just Hilarious

CHARLESTON — Big Coach Governor Jim Justice was trapped in an elevator in the governor’s mansion yesterday, and no, this is not a bit....

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Oct 2, 20212 min read

Joe Manchin’s Relaxing Afternoon Nearly Ruined by Desperate Poor People

WASHINGTON D.C. — Desperate and poor protestors on kayaks paid America’s Sweetheart, Senator Joe Manchin, a visit yesterday while he was...

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Sep 30, 20211 min read

Tyler Childers’ Coattails Long Enough for Entire Marshall Music Department

HUNTINGTON — Tyler Childers, local country music superstar, made it to the big time. Along for the ride was his band, The Food Stamps,...

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