Big Milton Police Bust: Teenagers Found With Fireworks on July 5th
MILTON — “Everyone knows it’s against the law to be in possession of fireworks after Independence Day.” Officer Troy Damron told Ramp...
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Jun 29, 20222 min read
Radio Station WQBE Becomes LGBTWQBE for Pride Month
CHARLESTON — “Honestly, we never really knew what LGBTQ stood for. With what we’re doing now, I guess you could say country music has...
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Apr 20, 20221 min read
Jim Justice Enjoys Phish Concert from Front Row
CHARLESTON — “It was groovy, man. I know it sounds loonier than a dog in heat, but you just gotta experience it for yourself.” “You might...
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Apr 1, 20221 min read
Progressive Legislation Passed in WV
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Feb 28, 20221 min read
Jim Justice Discovers Babydog’s Delta-8 Stash
LEWISBURG — Governor Jim Justice was enraged to find Babydog’s Delta-8 stash in her bikini drawer on Thursday. He was invading her...
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Feb 15, 20221 min read
W.Va. GOP Celebrates Black History Month by Firing Teachers Who Mention It
CHARLESTON — In honor of Black History Month, Mike Azinger (AKA Diet Derrick Evans) introduced an incredibly backwards and racist...
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Feb 14, 20221 min read
Tudor’s Heart-Shaped Biscuits Undergo Quadruple Bypass Surgery
ELKVIEW — Just weeks after voting “no” to forming a union, tragedy struck at a Tudor’s location in Elkview. Tudor’s Valentine’s Day...
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Feb 10, 20221 min read
Homelessness Ravages Charleston, Nevertheless Kayla Young Tweeted
CHARLESTON — A $2.1 million American Rescue Plan application was rescinded yesterday after a bunch of white people decided homeless...
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Feb 7, 20222 min read
Spotify Quietly Removes 113 Chapters from WV History Curriculum
CHARLESTON — Proponents of the “Anti-Stereotyping” Bill are outraged that Spotify quietly removed 113 entries of West Virginia history...
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Feb 3, 20221 min read
West Virginia Upgrades Science Books to New King James Version
CHARLESTON — The West Virginia Department of Education Finance Office approved funding for schools to upgrade their outdated King James...
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Jan 28, 20221 min read
Governor Justice Proves West Virginians Are Smart by Showing Everyone His Dog’s Genitalia
CHARLESTON — Governor Jim Justice ended his annual speech to the West Virginia Legislature by exposing his daughter’s b-hole and vajayjay...
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Jan 26, 20222 min read
WV Lawmakers Start GoFundMe Page for Black Lung Benefits
CHARLESTON — Representative Carol Miller’s office referred to the act of taxing coal companies responsible for slowly murdering their...
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Jan 24, 20222 min read
Study Reveals Carhartt Jackets Emit 5G Radio Waves
ALL AROUND YOU — A recent study performed by The University of Austin revealed that popular durable workwear company, Carhartt, was doing...
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Jan 20, 20222 min read
WCHS's Kennie Bass Behind The Wheel of Live Hit and Run Against WSAZ Reporter
DUNBAR -- Famed and beloved WCHS veteran Kennie Bass is the alleged driver of the vehicle that clipped a WSAZ reporter last night....
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Jan 14, 20221 min read
Ms. Frizzle’s Magic School Bus Unavailable to Rid Justice’s Body of COVID Due to Teacher Cuts
CHARLESTON — Ms. Valerie Frizzle, Ph. D., was unable to take her class into a human body riddled with the Omicron variant or COVID-19...
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Dec 22, 20212 min read
Jim Justice Spends Remaining CARES Act Funds on $127mil "Lazy Miner" NFT
Governor Jim Justice claims that there are “mucho bucks” to be made in Crypto art pieces. He announced at a briefing on Monday that he...
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Dec 21, 20211 min read
Bette Midler Revealed to be Little Bubby Child
UNKNOWN — Bette Midler revealed herself to be the popular, Appalachian meme-maker, Little Bubby Child, when she Tweeted, “I run down to...
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Dec 20, 20211 min read
Joe Manchin Filibusts in His Pants After Voting “No” to a Bill Literally Called “Do The Right Thing”
CHARLESTON — Ramp reporters interviewed Senator Joe Manchin after he allegedly filibusted all in his slacks after casting a “nay” vote in...
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Dec 18, 20212 min read
HEARTWARMING: Joe Manchin Makes Big Donation of Coal for Children’s Stockings
CHARLESTON — Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! And that’s it! Just Christmas! No other religious holidays shall be acknowledged by Senator Joe...
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Dec 11, 20212 min read
West Virginia Teacher Asks Santa for a Raise
CHARLESTON — Protesting and striking didn’t quite yield the results desired for this young lady. Poor pay and benefits for doing the most...
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