Local Boy Proudly Vandalizes Underwear with Skid Marks
HUNTINGTON -- Local man, Patrick Salmons, wanted to “celebrate Pride” by finally going potty all by himself. Unfortunately, he trusted a...
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Jan 4, 20231 min read
Ramp Reporter Let Go After Reporting on Giant Monster Terrorizing City
W.Va. — The reporter was let go after The Ramp received pressure from The Giant Monster Terrorizing The City. Reporter Carl Anse was told...
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Dec 19, 20222 min read
Marshall and UConn Face-off At The Bargain Beachwear Bowl
MYRTLE BEACH – The Marshall Thundering Herd and the University of Connecticut Huskies are ready to rumble in the inaugural Bargain...
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Nov 18, 20221 min read
GoMart Park Installs Blue Lights in Dugout
CHARLESTON — In a nearly unsatirizable turn of events, Appalachian Power Park has been renamed GoMart Park. Park manager, Paul Gillespie,...
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Oct 27, 20221 min read
Out-of-State Imbecile Has No Idea There’s Cheese and Pepperoni In There
MILTON — “Oh, lovely! Dinner rolls!” exclaimed a guest at an event catered by Leah Gore, owner of Jack the Bakery. The oblivious patron...
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Oct 4, 20221 min read
Lizzo Causes Uproar After Using John Brown’s Rifle for Target Practice
CHARLES TOWN — Lizzo peered down the sight of John Brown’s custom 1856 Sharps rifle. Bullseye. Lizzo lubed up another round and greased...
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Sep 13, 20221 min read
Marshall Alumnus Hospitalized After Reporting Herd-on Lasting Longer Than 72 Hours
HUNTINGTON — Local insurance agent, who requested to remain anonymous, Johnathan Maverick, was hospitalized Monday Morning after he...
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Sep 9, 20221 min read
Marshall Looks Forward to Bouncing Back From Notre Dame Loss
NOTRE DAME — Marshall Thundering Herd will be traveling to Notre Dame, Indiana to get destroyed by one of the most prolific ball clubs in...
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Sep 8, 20221 min read
Queen Elizabeth II Overreacts to New Tyler Childers Single
Tyler Childers and The Food Stamps released two versions of a new single, “Angel Band”, today. Can I Take My Hounds to Heaven? will be...
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Sep 2, 20222 min read
WVU Students Reupholster Couch After Devastating Loss
PITTSBURGH — WVU students excited to commit their traditional third-degree felony arson were disappointed when the Pittsburgh Panthers...
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Aug 31, 20222 min read
Huntington Zoo Taking Applications for Inhabitants
HUNTINGTON — Are you some sort of freak? Do you like being the center of attention? Are you able to stand for eight or more hours a day...
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Aug 19, 20222 min read
Rough N' Rowdy Brawl Renamed "Timid and Calm Gathering" in Biden's America
HUNTINGTON – For decades, The Rough N’ Rowdy Brawl has drawn some of the best amateur fighters and diehard fight fans in West Virginia to...
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Aug 9, 20222 min read
Cracker Barrel Gift Shop Gets Queer Eye Makeover
W. Va. — “Honey, honey, hunneeee… No.” Jonathan Van Ness said as he picked through the rustic Americana décor in the gift shop of Cracker...
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Jul 28, 20221 min read
Joe Manchin Tests Positive for Chronic Ligma
W. Va. — Senator Joe Manchin was diagnosed with Chronic Ligma this week, and has been experiencing mild symptoms. Manchin was said to...
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Jul 15, 20222 min read
Derrick Evans Sentenced to One Trimester in Prison
WASHINGTON — Enthusiastic Joker fan and experienced restraining order-haver, Derrick Evans, was sentenced to one full trimester in...
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Jul 5, 20222 min read
Big Milton Police Bust: Teenagers Found With Fireworks on July 5th
MILTON — “Everyone knows it’s against the law to be in possession of fireworks after Independence Day.” Officer Troy Damron told Ramp...
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Jul 1, 20222 min read
I-79 Mountain Dew Spill Eyewitness, “had nothing to do with it”
LOST CREEK — A tractor-trailer crash on I-79 North sent hundreds of cases of West Virginia Water flying into the median. The cause of the...
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Jun 29, 20222 min read
Radio Station WQBE Becomes LGBTWQBE for Pride Month
CHARLESTON — “Honestly, we never really knew what LGBTQ stood for. With what we’re doing now, I guess you could say country music has...
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Jun 29, 20221 min read
Infertile Women Sent into Coal Mines to Test for Carbon Monoxide
W.Va — West Virginia lawmakers and coal mining CEOs have teamed up to create some of the most progressive legislation in West Virginia...
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Jun 20, 20221 min read
WV DAY: Babydog Sees Shadow, Six More Years of Bad Infrastructure
LEWISBURG — Happy West Virginia Day, and you know what that means! Governor Jim Justice is looking for any opportunity to get out of...
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